theatre geek | Intimate Excellent

by Michelle Stephens

Friends from all over posting their hilarious reasons why you might be a theatre geek. Here’s the top 101.

Someone tells you they are doing Cherry Orchard and you ask them which translation.
You have baby proofed with gaffers tape . . . that you bought yourself.
You’ve used gels to decorate your house.
You don’t giggle when someone says “dramaturgy”.
You go to a live theatre production and spend more time checking out the set and lighting design than actually watching the actors perform.
You start thinking about which family members would be perfect for certain roles?
You don’t have any other color of clothing other than black (more for the techies, but…)
You have a set of “good blacks.”
When purchasing a vehicle, it’s hauling capabilities is an important factor.
Your drag name is Jack Brace. True story.
That is nearly the exact reason I have a truck. That, and I look cool in it!
When young children start playing with toys you have in your office, the first thought that goes through your head is “Don’t touch the props!”
You do a hang and focus when you move to new digs. Hey, man, side light makes cellulite disappear.
You get a Christmas card from Menards.
You refer to moving as load-in.
You’ve used stage directions in conversations with regular people.
A large majority of the music on your iPod/iPhone is either Broadway show tunes or sound effects.
When shopping for clothes, you regularly use the excuse that you bought it because it will make a great costume piece.
You can’t get over the continuity problems in movies cause you know better!
You have scoops in the kitchen and house lights in the dining room.
You’ve used your own furniture in a show. (Double points if you’re sitting on said piece of furniture right now.)
When family members tell you that you have 5 minutes to preform some arbitrary task and you respond with “Thank you five!”
Instead of loose change in your pocket, you have safety pins and screws.
When you reference all the major events of your life based on what shows they were between? “Well . . . it was after Foreigner but before Shakespeare.”
When you can change from one outfit to another in 30 seconds or less, in the dark, and you don’t really care who is standing next to you.
When your character shoes ARE your dress shoes.
When you have scissors that are not allowed to cut paper.
When you can measure correctly using your own body parts.
When you don’t know the last name, place of employment, relationship status, address or history of the people you are spending 20 plus hours a week with, and despite only having met them 10 days ago consider them your best friends!
When in your head, you count 5, 6,7, 8 before beginning a task.
When you feel lucky that about once a month you get free drinks for opening night.
When “move in” and “strike” have nothing to do with a new house or a union protest.
When you buy hello kitty duct tape because silver is boring.
When you practice your lines out loud–in the grocery store.
You refer to vacation as “dark week.”
When someone says, “a monkey can do it” your first thought go straight to lighting panel.
When you have a storage room in your basement to store stuff that you MIGHT need for a show SOME DAY.
When you quote lines from a show you did 15 years ago and your fellow nerds laugh.
In preparation for a date you plan set, lighting, and sound.
You decorate your house with props and dressing from shows you’ve worked on.
When you refer to any stage show by one word, rather then the entire title: “Fiddler, Mattress, Dolly”.
You have your own make-up kit.
You’re pets are named for Shakespeare characters, or your cats are actually from the musical Cats.
When you find yourself in a restaurant…. at midnight.. in full make up… and you are a guy.
When you start looking at yourself in the mirror the morning after, thinking… “more cheeks.”
You discuss your dumpster diving treasures with pride.
When you tell anyone that comes into your unkempt house that you are in “show mode”
You’ve slept at the theatre because there was “no point in going home”. Or at least seriously considered it.
You find yourself reminding people that adhesive without pressure is a waste of time.
If the timeline of your life is based around what show you were in and not what year it was.
You put off getting a haircut/dying your hair/shaving because auditions are coming up and you don’t know what the director will want.
When someone asks what your favorite Shakespeare play is and you make them qualify “Comedy, History, or Tragedy.”
You can shut down any request for your time or need for your help by saying “I can’t, I’m/I’ll be in Tech.”
You do it for free.
When you complain about how much time the show is taking up and then a week after it’s over you’re looking for a new show to do.
You know why copied scripts are considered theatre contraband. You know exactly how you will look when you get old, because you’ve done the make up and seen the future.
You can’t remember your social security number but you can remember lines from a show you worked on in 1994.
When you say the script had an “industrial accident” in the copier.
You know where they keep the “good” tape.
When you can tell people’s shoes size just by looking at their feet because you have seen so many feet that you “just can tell.”
When you have more black clothing in you wardrobe than anything else. You can Never have too much black, right?
Your prompt book is better organized than your checkbook, your office, or your purse/wallet combined.
You find yourself “cheating out” at parties when a group gathers to talk.
You can quickly navigate a stage full of walls, platforms, and multiple hazards in pitch black (that you’ve only worked on for a week) but still stub your toe on the way to the bathroom at night.
You wish you could wear contacts instead of glasses so you could see on stage.
You go see a play by another company because you’re thinking of doing it.
You wait for all the local theatres to put out their season announcement before planning vacations.
A director has had to personally talk you down off the ledge at least once.
You’ve had to personally talk a director down off the ledge at least once.
You question the director’s choices in virtually every movie you watch.
You secretly think movie makers have it a lot easier than theatre people. (Multiple takes, my ass!)
You read play scripts for fun.
You know how to “find your light.”
You weight everyone you meet for potential stage talent.
You’ve dated someone during a production that you would probably never date outside the theatre.
You consider how you’ll “deliver your lines” during normal conversation.
You search of sub-text in other peoples remarks.
No matter how many shows you’ve got under your belt, you still get nervous for auditions.
Your family knows your lines as well as you do!
You spend you’re lunch hour for a month memorizing your lines.
You start listening to the soundtrack to a musical months before auditions.
You have nightmares about opening night and you’ve got the lead but you’ve never been to a rehearsal and you don’t know your lines.
You refer to a break in any activity as intermission.
What happens in the green room stays in the green room.
Additionally, what happens in the booth, stays in the booth.
If you can quote Monty Python and the Holy Grail you might be a theatre geek.
As a techie, you can’t wait for tonight’s headset chatter.
You can’t help pointing out every show that each piece of scenery has previously appeared in.
You think McGyver was an amateur.
You’ve hung posters so many time that areas businesspeople know you by name.
You are shameless in your pursuit of free publicity.
You have worn underwear under your underwear onstage.
You know first hand why they say never work with children or animals.
You sit online and wait for people to respond with all their definitions of theatre geekdom.
As your kids get older you begin to eye them for potential roles in shows.
You take pride in the fact that you can add items to the list of theatre geekdom. ;^)
You’ve raided the toy box for props.
You’ve sustained at least one major show related injury, and proudly tell the story.
You have fixed a costume while trying to keep 7 kids quite while changing you costume while watching for your next scene…
You know what it means when they say “… as long as it looks good from 20 feet away…”
In spite of the stress, the problems and the headaches, heck sometimes because of them, some of the best times of your life took place backstage, onstage, and at rehearsal.